I like summer better than winter, but I think snow is beautiful. At night when the snow is falling and has covered everything the brightness of the world is breathtaking.

The other night I walked into Ella's room and looked out the window at the newly fallen snow. It was a lot of snow and the world was so very quiet. Every one in the house was sleeping and I was just making my rounds before going to bed myself. What struck me about this moment was the steady and easy sound of my daughter's breathing. It was somehow so soothing to listen to the noise of nothing but her breathing. As I watched her sleep I just felt completely consumed by that moment and completely thankful to God.

One of my favorite scriptures is 2 Timothy 3:16, " All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness," It is soothing to know that when God breathed these words into being they would and will continue to transcend all of time. When I read this all of the questions I have about things in the bible fall away. It doesn't matter if I don't understand every word right now, because it is God who breathed it into life. It is God who wanted these words to be written. When all of the other things become so overwhelming, these words are all of reassurance I need.

In the hustle and bustle of our busy days I sometimes forget how delicate life can be, thankfully God doesn't.

Grateful

I don't believe in luck or kharma or anything like that. I believe in God's sovereign hand. I believe that He who orchestrated where the stars sit in the sky orchestrates everything. I believe He brings certain people into our lives at exactly the right time.

My friend Mindy was one of these people. She was there with me every step of the way. She had been through a young pregnancy with her sister a few years earlier. I think God allowed her to live through that so she could be a source of strength, experience and wisdom for me. She was never judgmental or criticizing she was just there for me. She was the friend who was with me when I first found out that my blood pressure was high. The friend who was with me when they decided to keep me overnight in the hospital and the friend who was there when my life when from just unplanned to way out of control. We decided to be roommates the following year in school and I can't begin to explain what it meant to have someone there who had walked with me through the previous year. Somehow she knew when to be there and when to back off and let me just have some space. To say thank you seems so insignificant but I am so thankful that God put her in my life.

Becky was the care coordinator at the Family Planning I first went to. She was such a blessing. As I mentioned in the first post she was the first "outsider" to make us feel like things might just be OK. I was able to see her one time after Faith died and then she seemed to have just disappeared. I am so thankful that God put her in my life even if it was only for a short time.

Another person was the NICU doctor. His name was Dr. Balson, he was so compassionate and kind. You see when Faith was first born there was another doctor who came at us with all kinds of questions and demands about what we should do for Faith. Now looking back I believe this doctor was just young, inexperienced and wanted to save the world. He scared us even more than we already were. Then Dr. Balson came in and it was suddenly such a different moment. His compassion and experience is what made the difference. I am so thankful that he was the doctor who God put in place to help us through the most difficult moments when we decided to take Faith off life support.

I don't know what it would have been like without these three people. I am grateful that these are the people God chose.