A Heavy Heart

I don't think I have shared before that all of my family outside of my parents and my brother, live overseas. They are in Germany, Austria and Switzerland. As with everything else this has had its benefits and definitely it drawbacks. I have had the opportunity through this circumstance to be exposed to different cultures from a very early age. I have learned to speak two languages. I actually spoke German first because we lived there from the time I was six weeks old until I was two. But the drawbacks are many too. I am so far away from my family. I can still remember the last time I saw my Omi. We were leaving after an extended visit and I was looking out the back of the car window crying and I saw my Omi standing there on the sidewalk waving and crying too. I knew it would be months and likely years before I saw her again. It ended up being the last time I saw her. I have never been to the funeral of one of my relatives. I know this may sound like a blessing to some but for me it means no closure. Not being able to say good-bye and no moments for me to offer comfort to my other family members. Also, no moments to talk about salvation. I have only seen a few of my relatives once or twice since my salvation. I can honestly say that I do not know the eternal state of any of my overseas family. Even though I know how to speak German there is still somewhat of a language barrier because I have never had or made the opportunity to learn the terms to speak about salvation.

This is particularly evident right now because a little over a week ago I found out that my cousin, who was my age, unexpectedly passed away. He was riding a bicycle, had some kind of mishap which resulted in a few stitches and from that he had a blood clot that went to his lungs. First this is just sad because it happened, secondly and more importantly it is sad because I do not know his eternal state and thirdly I am just so sad that I cannot be there for my family. So my heart is heavy and I really miss my far away family.

Some day....

Okay so I haven't posted in a while. I felt like I had to be inspired to post. I felt like I had to have God tell me or show me something before I could post. Then the other day I realized if that is the only time I post than it isn't being honest, because although God is amazing and inspiring, I am human and do not always make or take the time I should to be in communion with him. I have three kiddos of my own and then I am watching three more little ones on a full time basis. Sometimes my days are over before I know it. Sometimes I have wasted the day away as a result of my own lack of passion and conviction. Sometimes I am just totally on for my family. I know these are all excuses because spending time with the Lord should be a number one priority, but I am afraid sometimes I am just so overwhelmed with everything else to make myself sit down and take a moment. Part of me can't wait for the day when I can calmly and quietly sit down in the mornings and spend time with the Lord consistently, but another part of me realizes that when that day comes it will mean my kids are growing up. All too quickly the days of just sitting down with a cup of tea and my bible and then suddenly hearing, "mommmmmm" will be nothing more than a memory.